The Bible of Apoland
How it all began
Disclaimer: The Bible has been rewritten for Apoland for fun and entertainment only. No disrespect intended on the original version
- Anduine
The Creation
In the beginning the COD created the stage...but it was dark
And the COD said: "Let there be light" and the spot lights went on
And the COD said "let the stage bring forth heavenly creatures making wonderful music together" And the stage created Apo and the COD saw that it was all good. And he blessed them and said "be fruitful and multiply"
And the COD said "Let the earth bring forth fans to worship my musicians"
And the earth did so and the COD saw that this was good
And the COD said unto them "Love your Apo and have pervy thoughts about them"
And the fans did so and the COD saw that this was good
And then he spoke unto them "Let the show begin!!!"
The Garden of Apoland
And the COD made a man out of the dust of the ground in it's own image and it breathed life into him
and the man had become a linving soul. And the COD created an island and called it Apoland and
there it put it's faithful creature to care for it and keep it and called it Antero.
And the COD created the creatures of the earth, the see and the sky and put them under Antero's command.
And he planted a cello tree and said unto Antero: "Of every instrument tree in the garden you may chose
freely, except for the cello tree. The cello you may not touch or all hell will break loose"
Then the COD said:" It is not good that you should be alone. I will make a companion for you."
So the COD put Antero into a deep sleep and as he slept the COD took one of his ribs. This rib it made
into a creature most lovely to behold. With a cute button nose, dazzeling eyes and a pouty mouth (getting
a little carried away here) and he called the creature Perttu.
And Antero and Perttu were naked, but they were not ashamed.
The serpent in the Garden
The most cunning of the beasts which the COD had made was the serpent Max. It befriended innocent little Perttu and asked him: “Did the COD forbid you to play the instuments in this garden?”
And Perttu answered: “We may use them freely, except the cello. Of this the COD said 'The cello you may not touch or all hell will break loose' “
Max chuckled: “Hell will break loose, but it will not devour you. The COD knows that the day you start playing the cello, you will become famous beyond your wildest dreams. Fans will worship you as much or even more as they worship the COD, of this he is afraid.”
And Perttu looked at the cello tree and heard the instrument calling to him. He felt it was to be desired because it would make him famous. So he picked up a cello and played it, and he also gave one to his companion. Then pyros broke up from the ground and Perttu and Antero opened their eyes and they noticed that they were in the spotlights on a stage and that they were naked in front of many sreaming fans. So Antero put on sunglasses to hide and Perttu...well he was still not ashamed, but having fun.
And the COD called unto Antero and Perttu and he asked Antero: ”Why are you hiding behind those sunglasses?”
“I was afraid because I was naked, and hid myself.”
“Who told you that you were naked?” Asked the COD and Antero pointed towards a screaming fan and said with a trembling voice: “She did. And she is following me around.”
And the COD said: “I have told you that hell would break loose if you start playing the cello.”
And Antero said: ”The Perttu whom you gave to me to be my companion, gave me a cello of the tree an I played.”
And the COD asked Perttu: “Why did you do that?”
“The serpent Max tempted me,” said Perttu, “and the cello was calling out to me and so I played.” He started pouting “And it was good and beautiful music we made. And people loved us for it. Especially the pretty ladies.....”
The 10 commandments
1 I am the COD which has brought thee to Apoland out of the houses of boredom. Thou shalt have no other cods before me.
2 Thou shalt make unto thee lots of graven images, of myself and my minions Apo
3 Thou shalt bow down thyself to them, and serve them: for I the COD declare it unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.
4 Thou shalt not take the name of the COD in vain.
5 Remember the gig day, to keep it holy.
6 Honour thy Apocalyptica that their days may be long upon the land which the COD gave them.
7 Thou shalt not kill (especially no cod or pink bunny)
8 Thou shalt share thy favourite band member
9 Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy fellow Apolander
10 Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's cello, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's Apo pics, nor his gappa tape, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's because thy neighbor is to share it with thee.
ApoPrayer (by Metal-Girl):
Our ApoCod, Who art in The Shire,
Hallowed be Thy Music.
Thy Apocalypse come.
Thy Will be done, on Eiccatown and in all Apoland.
Give us this day our daily Apo gigs.
And teach us more pervyness,
as we teach those who had pervy Apo-thoughts.
And lead us into temptation,
but deliver the rest of the world from Rap and Hip Hop.
Selloa Perseeseen.